Concateknit

Working it Out - Part II

When confronted with a major decision, Mike and I strive to make our choices deliberately. Although my desire to move back to California was in part reactionary (I knew as soon as we returned from our wedding that it was time to go) our actual move to California was conceived, planned, and executed with deliberation. We had certain criteria that needed to be met before we put the main portion of the plan in motion.

So I understand deliberation. And I practice deliberation for big decisions - it's just that the small, everyday things I do tend to happen willy-nilly, sometimes with little thought or reflection.

And I've accumulated a fair amount of psychic and physical clutter from living my everyday life without reflection or deliberation.

My knitting has been a prime example of this.

• Rogue: I'm about 80% done with this, but I knit one sleeve way too long, am certainly going to run out of yarn before I finish the 2nd sleeve, and I no longer fit in the size I've knit. I need to do 3 things: rip the too-long sleeve, try and find more yarn, and finish the sweater. I have no doubt that the sweater will fit me again one day, but in the meantime - it takes up physical and mental space.

• Frieda: This sweater is just wrong for me now. I need to rip it and figure out if I will keep the yarn (Lamb's Pride Worsted) or give it to someone who might actually use it.

• Socks: I have multiple socks at various stages of completion. I need to decide, honestly, whether or not I will ever finish knitting them, and if the answer is no, I need to rip and re-wind the yarn, and if the answer is yes, I need to actually finish them.

• Swallowtail Shawl: I made great progress on this until I hit the nupps, and then I knit one wrong row and just...stopped. I need to tink back a row, get the right number of stitches on the needles, and finish the damned shawl. It will be stunningly gorgeous when it's done if I can stop being such a slack-ass.

• Miscellaneous: You know these projects. They are finished and need buttons, or seaming, or they are projects that were started and will never be finished. These projects need to be finished or ripped. I need both the physical and mental space back.

So here is what I have been doing: I am monogamous to one project, and I must finish that project before I move on to something else. This proved to be a brilliant decision on my part, because if I had been acting in my usual slack-ass way, I would have finished the knitting on my Presto Chango Baby Sweater and then moved onto something else, leaving the finishing of the sweater until "sometime" when I felt like finishing it. And people? I would *never* have felt like finishing it. But, I wanted to start on a Shapely Shawlette Kit I purchased at Stitches West and I refused to let myself until I actually finished the entire baby sweater. To that end, I can happily present this:

 

Finished and ready for its recipient. I've Raveled the details here.

And the best part? I've now finished the knitting of the Shapely Shawlette and have only to block it (will happen this weekend) and then weave in the ends. In the meantime, I am working on a pair of socks that have been languishing for almost two (!!!) years, and have decided that I will alternate new and old projects until I'm caught up.

Take THAT stupid psychic weight. I am done with you!

Working it Out - Part I

I started out the year with a lot of enthusiasm for losing the weight that I've gained since my wedding and relocation to California. I followed about the same plan as I did back in 2006, and I was making progress.

Then I just...stopped. Stopped worrying about what I was eating, stopped using the elliptical machine at home, stopped weighing myself - just stopped.

And then I started to think, to really think, about what my motivations were for gaining the weight and losing weight, for dieting and exercising and for NOT dieting and exercising. How can I care so much one day and then care not at all the next?

Then Jackie posted about this book that she and Eric had read, and although the book looked really interesting to me, I thought "I can't read that book right now. I should be dieting. I'm trying to lose weight."

And then I thought about going to the farmer's market for some veggies for a salad and thought "I can't do that yet. I'm trying to lose weight."

And then it hit me: I've become so disconnected from "food" that a salad, made with local, fresh produce seemed something I shouldn't eat while I was trying to lose weight. And that apparently my desire to lose weight was not connected to a desire to be healthy or stronger, but primarily a desire to just weigh less.

And to me, weighing less apparently meant eating products geared ostensibly toward weight loss:  100 Calorie packs of snacks and/or cookies and low-cal, low-fat, low-whatever frozen entrees. But not food - I've become scared of food because I feel incapable of making good choices. I've let boxes and nutrition labels to tell me what I can eat and in what quantities, to the overall detriment of my health.

And then one day it kind of all came crashing down on me, and I had a lovely moment of clarity. I can never diet again. It took time to gain this weight and it will take time to lose it, but I need to lose it through the combination of healthful eating and increased activity, and I could not live in a better location to support those two habits.

I started by buying the Pollan book, and already I feel better about my ability to choose good food for myself. I've increased my activity and with the weather we've been having, there's simply no excuse not to get out with the dogs for more than our normal walks.

And even though I am committed to un-dieting, I do still need to get to a healthy weight, so I joined SparkPeople in order to have a place to track my food, my fitness, and my other life goals. If you're looking for a tool like this, I can highly recommend SparkPeople.

My moment of clarity, however, was not just about dieting (or un-dieting) - it was also about living a more sustainable lifestyle. I made a salad last night from entirely local ingredients, and it felt wonderful and wholesome and healthy. I'll be buying a bike soon (inspired by Claudia) so that I can run some of my lunchtime errands without using my car. I'm working on digging out a planting bed so I can grow my own herbs, some vegetables, and grow some flowers from seeds.

Basically, I'm just trying to work it all out - "it" being what I want kind of life I want to lead, what kind of legacy I want to leave behind, and what kind of impact I want to have on my environment and in my family. So, it's likely you'll see lots of rambling posts like this as I try to work it all out, and I will appreciate all the help and advice you can share along the way.

   

Oh Right - The Knitting

I've talked before about how adopting the dogs changed my knitting habits, and the difficulty I've had integrating my Boston self with my California self. The thing is - over the past four years, knitting has become a cornerstone in the way I self identify in the world. I am a Knitter.

One of the things I've been working on over the past few months is learning new knitting skills and finishing old and outstanding projects. I've wanted to do some colorwork for a while now, but the psychic burden of my current UFOs has kept me from casting on for anything new. I had two languishing projects that needed two things: a crochet edge and buttons. Since I had never crocheted anything or sewn buttons on anything, those two projects stalled and added to that psychic weight until finally I had a good reason to finish them.

My dogs needed sweaters, yo.

When I decided to take this camping trip in April, I knew that the nights could end up pretty cold, and I wanted to be sure that the dogs would be warm, especially Zorro, who has very short hair on his back and very sparse hair on his belly. So I dragged out their sweaters, my crochet hook, my Vogue Knitting, and got to work. A couple of hours later, I had these:

 

 

Although it wound up not being cold enough for the puppers to wear these sweaters while we were camping, I felt good for having finished them all the same.

Poor Zorro - he really hates when I make him wear clothes, even when it is for his own good.

Ravelry specs can be found here and here.

Camping is Just Playing for Grown-Ups

When I was a kid, playing equaled action: being outdoors, building forts, choreographing dance routines for myself and all the neighborhood kids, trying to make perfume from the flowers in the backyard, playing Chinese jump rope for hours upon hours, making and beating the neighborhood record for most consecutive jumps on a pogo stick without stepping off, digging holes to China. Playing meant doing something, anything, all day long, and being rewarded at the end of the day with a good night's sleep and a sense of accomplishment. I loved to play and by the end of each school day or school week I would be eager, yearning for the time when I would get outdoors and get to the serious business of playing.

 

That's how I feel about camping, too. From the moment I start to plan, to the moment I pick the best spot for my tent, I am playing. Granted, my playing often involves less action than it did when I was a child, but still - it's play. Cooking becomes play, cleaning becomes play, going to the bathroom even becomes play (hey - anytime I get to wear a headlamp = playing), all the things that are chores at home become play when I'm camping. And so really, who wouldn't want that?

 

This is all to say that the camping trip was fine, and the dogs added an element of fun to the trip that I really couldn't have imagined. They were excellent companions and terrific campers.

 

We ate well:

We explored the campgrounds and none of us could get enough walking. We walked, we explored, we talked to people (well, I talked to people. Ambassador Zorro just softened them up for me first, with his cute tail wagging and wiggle butting), we hung out, we napped, and then we walked some more. The dogs were truly excellent little travelers, and I'm so excited for the summer now that I know that we can go for trips, go camping, explore this ridiculously beautiful state together. I've already decided on our next two camping trips and a summer vacation that we'll take to celebrate a milestone birthday for Mike. I can't wait.

I feel like a kid again. All I want to do is play.

 

And We're Off!

The dog's stuff is all packed, the kitchen stuff is packed, my clothes are packed, and we'll be hitting the road in just about an hour. The weather looks to be just about perfect, and I am absolutely ready to get this vacation started!

I hope that you have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you soon!

An Update

It was pointed out to me recently that it's been weeks since I posted, which sounds crazy to me, but is true. It's amazing how time slips away from me, I swear.

Of course, the result of a few weeks blog silence is way too much to talk about in one post. I'm going to hit the high points and hopefully follow up with a few more posts this week to get us all up to speed.

House Hunting

The house hunting continues, and I've decided to blog the whole damn process. I didn't blog about the first house because I didn't want to jinx us, but since they rejected our offer anyway, I figure - screw it. I'm just going to blog the whole thing and hopefully it will be entertaining for you and a nice record of the process for me and Mike. This afternoon we're going into Fresno to look at a house that I looked at last weekend. It's a house I really, really like, but there is already an offer on the house, so I am not holding out a lot of hope that this house is going to be The House. If you are interested in seeing the full set of house hunting photos, they're available here.

Kids and Grandkids
Next weekend, Mike is heading home to New Hampshire to see his kids and meet his new grandson. Yep. Mike has a grandson. Mike's daughter gave birth two weeks ago to a healthy baby boy. Mike's daughter is continuing to take her college classes online, and although having a baby  cxc was not her original plan, she's taking care of her son and taking care of herself with admirable maturity. I'm really glad that Mike is going to be able to spend some time with both of his kids and his grandson. I'm sure that trips to New Hampshire are going to become a bigger priority from this point forward!

While Mike's in New Hampshire, Concateknit Goes Camping

It's true. Next weekend I'm loading up my camping gear and the dogs and heading out for a camping trip to a State Park a couple of hours north of here. I can't even tell you how excited I am. This will be my first camping trip in California since before I moved to Boston, and I know it's going to be a lot of fun. Yesterday I put up the tent by myself in the backyard, and I've repacked all my gear and am making a list of the stuff I still need to buy. I'm working on my grocery list now and I'm just so freaking excited I can't stand it! The photo above is part of my 365 set on Flickr. If you'd like to check out some of my other self-portraits, the set can be found here.

Puppers
No post would be complete without some pupper love. I took these photos of Allie and Zorro a few weekends ago when we were enjoying a particularly lovely Saturday afternoon out of doors. I hope you enjoy my silly girl and rough-tough boy! Zorro is currently cuddled up next to me under a blanket, emitting happy little sighs every time I pet him. Allie is cuddled up on my other side, sound asleep. We loves our puppers.

 

Enjoy your Sunday, everyone!

Ho...Hum...

Things have been...well.

Things have been up and things have been down. Right now things are just kind of things, and although there's a lot going on, unfortunately, a lot of it is stuff I can't really blog about yet.

In the meantime, I will tell you that Mike and I put in a (full pric e) bid on a house, and were rejected. Seems the lender thinks they can get more for the house if they put it up for auction, so they decided they were not going to entertain any more offers. This is pooper for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that this house might have been THE house. This house might have been the one that would have gotten you all on planes to visit me. We could have held festivals on the grounds of this house, and I am in no way joking.

But. That house was not meant to be my house, apparently, so the search continues. The good news is that there are many, many good houses available in our price range, and in areas that we would like to live in, so we believe that it's just a matter of time before we find the right house for us. Right? Right? Right?

Anyway - let's look at Allie:

She's helping me get our tax stuff together. She may need to get a job soon, as she is an expensive dog with expensive habits.

Fake Saturdays are for Lists

In my company, we get a "Spring Holiday" and today's it. While most of the rest of the world is at work, I'm home, still in my pjs, and drinking coffee.

I've been thinking a lot about stuff like consumerism, how where I spend my dollars reflects on who I am as an individual, my short and long term goals and how to attain them, retirement and what do we need to do if we want to retire before 67 and aren't counting on Social Security still existing by then, and what, truly, is important in life.

But all those things are still percolating in my brain, and aren't ready for public consumption, so today, on Fake Saturday, I'll give you a list. Random? Probably? Interesting? You be the judge.

• On a not Fake Saturday, right about now I'd be leaving for work. Right now? Allie and Zorro are curled up on either side of me, settling in for their first of many daily naps. I'd like their life, please.
• Last night, I was napping on the couch when Allie, drenched from being outside (she finds a puddle better/faster than any other dog I know) came in and literally flopped on my head.
• Sue and I try to have a weekly craft night. The holidays made this a little difficult, but it is something that we both truly enjoy, and we're glad to be able to get back to it. Other obligations kept us from meeting on Monday, when we usually meet, so today, on Fake Saturday, we will meet to work out and then have an outside craft morning.
• Have I mentioned that our temps are now in the 70s? I think I'm bringing my spinning wheel to outside craft morning.
• Allie shows no signs of losing her "winter coat", which leads me to believe that the crazy foofiness is here to stay. Witness the foof:

• I'm doing something so super duper crazy exciting today that I can hardly stand it. You want to know what it is? I'm meeting with a realtor and going to look at houses this afternoon. Having grown up in apartments and a couple of rented houses, the idea that I might actually be able to Own My Own Home almost makes me want to cry. And then giggle. And then maybe weep a little. And then do a happy dance. Please think good house vibes for me.
• My Tiny Paintings arrived and they are even BETTER than I thought they would be. They are, in fact, simply perfect. Would you like to see them?

If you are interested in your own Tiny Paintings, you can visit nrlois's Etsy shop here.

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and a Happy Easter, if you celebrate. Me? I'll be crafting with Sue, looking at houses, getting my hair did, walking my puppers, hanging out with my husband, and eating a lovely Easter meal surrounded by dear friends.

And it'll be in the 70s. I'm not rubbing it in, though.

Squee!

A while ago, in a roundabout way that I cannot for the life of me recall, I found nrlois on Etsy.

Specifically, I found her tiny paintings, which she does on comission.

How long do you think it took me to order two tiny paintings for myself?

If you thought "Not long at all, crazy dog lady", you'd be right.

And guess what? In a blink of an eye - they're ready! They're ready! They're ready!

Here they are!

I have to say that this was a wonderful transaction, working with a wonderful vendor. I love supporting an independent artist, and I am over the moon about receiving my tiny Allie & Zorro paintings. I'm just saying, that for the very reasonable price, if you feel like having a tiny painting of your own pupper or kitteh, I'd highly recommend chatting with nrlois.

Happy Weekend!

Hi

Do you ever read through your own archives? Sometimes I do, and I'm always...surprised, I guess. I find myself surprised at something that makes me laugh, or reminded of something I had completely forgotten, or wondering how something cleverly written possibly came out of my brain. Ultimately, what I get from reading my archives is an opportunity to get to know myself better, to remember my own life and adventures, and to gauge just how much has changed since I started blogging in 2004.

It's also interesting to find themes in my own writing, and to see how those themes influenced some of the major decisions we've made, whether we were aware of the themes or not.

One of the major themes in my life for the last two years that I lived in Boston was crazy work stress. When we moved, I had a blessed few months off, and when I accepted my current job, I did so knowing that the responsibilities, stress (and pay), would be much less than I had with my job in Boston. I found it hard to adjust to my new job - I felt at loose ends, it was weird to have to start building my reputation here from the ground up, and I felt very alone. In Boston, I had a great support system and was surrounded by friends, and when I started my new job, I was painfully aware of just how few people I knew here. I not only felt alone - in many ways, I was alone.

Now I've been at my job here for almost six months, and certainly I feel much less alone than I did. One of the reasons that I took this job was because I knew that I'd have a great boss, one who could potentially be a friend, and lucky for me, she felt the same way. I've met some great girls via Ravelry, and I know that if we lived in Fresno I could be a much more active member of the fiber community here. We're beginning to put down roots here - getting invited to events, learning the neighborhoods, spending time with friends, and feeling more connected to the people here.

And yet...I read through my archives, see pictures of our old apartment, think of all the good times we had there, together and with our friends and family, and I can't help but feel some sense of loss. I live in a gorgeous area, I ate lunch outdoors in 70+ degree weather today, I have a cute little house, two amazing dogs, and am beginning to put down roots here by making real life friends, and yet...I feel pangs of loss for the wonderful community that I left when we moved to California.

I try not to dwell on the past, but I do think it is important to understand the themes and events that lead to us make major decisions, because even though I still believe that moving to California was the right thing to do, I want to be sure that our actions are deliberate and thoughtful, not reactionary.

Probably there's not much point to my post except I wanted to get some of these prickly thoughts out of my head and preserve them for posterity. I also just kind of wanted to chat with you today, too. So, hi. How are you?