Concateknit

For the Dogs

Claudia posted recently about discretionary spending, and asked a thought provoking question wondering what would be the last thing her readers gave up if it came the time eliminate discretionary spending. Unsurprisingly, there was a lively and thoughtful discussion in her comments, and it was really interesting to see what things people really valued in their discretionary spending. The people who talked about the fact that they’d go without before they gave up their companion animals really spoke to me.

At ARF, we’ve seen an upswing in the number of dogs who are owner surrendered – folks who are moving but can’t take their pets with them or who say they just can’t afford to keep their pets in this economy.

And I’ll admit that it’s likely that I am (more than) a little cynical. Because, really, what does it cost to feed a 5 lb

Chihuahua

? I buy my dogs Ultra Premium food, and feeding both of them costs easily under $20 a month. Certainly there are other expenses associated with owning Allie and Zorro. Allie is on two daily maintenance medicines which cost about $25/month, and their preventative treatments and regular vet visits certainly cost SOMETHING. But the thing is, when we made the decision to adopt Allie and Zorro, we were also making the decision that they were not, nor would they ever be, discretionary. Both of my dogs are rescue dogs – they didn’t end up there because they had fabulous lives before I came along. They ended up in shelters because something had gone awry in their lives, and when we took them home, we promised that we’d be the final stop for them. Almost two years later, I can’t imagine not having either of my dogs in my life, and in hard times, my dogs are what keep me going, get me up in the morning, keep me putting one foot in front of the other when what I’d really like to do is hide and wallow. My dogs are an integral part of my quality of life, and my quality of life is not discretionary.

When a 10 year old dog ends up in a shelter, my heart breaks, and I can’t help but wonder how you let go of a dog that’s been a member of your family for that long. I do know that there are absolutely cases where people find themselves in a position unable to keep their pet. I know that those situations happen, and that they are heartbreaking for everyone involved. It’s just that it feels a little too easy now for people to say “oh – the economy” and just like that, a former family member finds himself in a shelter.

With the upswing of owner surrendered pets, shelters nationwide are feeling the crunch. ARF is a volunteer run organization (there is not a single paid position on staff) and saves as many dogs as it does from donations it receives. In February, ARF placed 39 dogs in forever homes. I was lucky enough to know all of those dogs. Some of the ARF dogs break my heart, some of them are goofy, some of them are whip smart, some of them have a long way to go before they’ll be balanced family members again, but all of them deserve their second (and sometimes third and sometimes fourth) chance at happiness.

If you have a few extra dollars, take a minute to donate to ARF. Every $5 gets you into the raffle (drawing to be held this Saturday, March 7^th) and you have a chance to win some great prizes! This past weekend I was lucky enough to go to Stitches West and I picked up a few more fun prizes to the raffle:

 

A Knitwhits felted toy kit!

Chevron Cowl kit (yarn is baby alpaca and is AWESOME)!

Once you’ve made your donation to ARF, let me know how many raffle tickets you need either in the comments or by sending me an email to concateknit at gmail dot com. Let’s let the dogs know that we don’t think they're discretionary.

 

National Elisa Thinks It's Time for a Little Fun Day

Suffice it to say, work is totally kicking my ass. When I initially chose the month of February to do NETSM, February did not always kick my ass, but now?

February. Totally. Kicks. My. Ass.

So. Let's do something fun today. A raffle maybe? With some super fun prizes perhaps? And one very awesome prize? And maybe another? Yes, I think that's a great idea. Let's do that.

Here are the details: As you know, I've been volunteering at Animal Rescue of Fresno for the past couple of months, and people - I feel like I've found my niche. ARF has already become like a second home to me and I love the people, I love the dogs, and I love the work. It's rewarding in a way I could never have imagined.

ARF is an all volunteer run organization, and the work they do is tremendous. They've got strong support in the community, but everyone is suffering right now, and when our rescue organizations suffer ultimately it's the animals that suffer. So, let's have a wee little raffle and see if we can't drum up a bit of support for ARF, okay?

So - we're going to have a raffle! Yay!

1) The raffle will go until March 8th, the day I am taking Kim out for dinner to celebrate her birthday. Together, she and I will draw the winners of the raffle.

2) You'll need to make a donation to ARF. They're online direct donation button is down right now (I'll update when the link is back up) but you can still send them a donation via Paypal. Just go to Paypal, select "Send Money" and make a donation to canine@arf-fresno.com.

3) The amount you donate will determine the number of entries you have in the raffle. You'll get 1 entry for every $5 you donate.

4) You'll need to let me know that you've donated, because there's no real way for me to know otherwise. If you want to, you can just leave your donation amount in the comments, or, if you would prefer, send me an email at concateknit at gmail dot com letting me know the number of raffle tickets you've purchased, and I'll add you to the list.

And now, the prizes!

There will be two grab bags, each of which I guarantee will have no less than $40 worth of yarn in it. In all likelihood, there will be more than $40 worth of yarn in each grab bag, but I am comfortable guaranteeing at least $40.

There will be one fiber grab bag, which I also guarantee will have no less than $40 worth of fiber.

But my most favorite raffle prize of all is this: A Tiny Painting, donated by nrlois. You can choose a random portrait, or you can have a custom portrait made. The quality and the charm of these paintings is exceptional.   

Best of all, of course, you're going to help out some wonderful dogs and a wonderful organization.

In advance I say thanks. :)

Winners and Little Dogs

This Saturday will mark four weeks since I had my orientation training at Animal Rescue of Fresno. On the day I did my orientation, I found out that Lady was back at the shelter from foster care, and I spent the next week unable to get her out of my mind. I know that it isn't the right time for us to bring in a third dog, but it doesn't stop my heart from breaking a little bit every time I think about Lady Dog.

Even though I couldn't bring Lady Dog home,I could do for her what knitters do - I could knit. On the way home from orientation, I stopped at Swatches, the LYS that is less than a mile from my house and I picked up two skeins of Cascade 220 Superwash plus the Fiber Trends "Dandy Dog Coat" pattern.

May I present to you, Lady's Mock Cable Sweater, modeled by none other than Lady Dog herself:

Please to note that my tiny old lady was very, very happy that the sun was out last Saturday.

This is actually the second sweater I knit for her. The first was too big. It was an extra small, but with her teeny tiny birdy legs, she was able to step out of the sweater.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be volunteering at ARF. Every Saturday morning I wake up, take the puppers for a walk and then go to ARF where I scoop dog poop, clean out kennels (while the puppers are frolicking in their yards), play with puppers, do dishes, do laundry, play fetch, give pets, and generally find another dog to fall madly in love with. I usually end up dirty, stinky, and happy beyond reason that I've just gotten a chance to hang out with such great dogs and great people. What a great way to start the new year!

And I am also very excited to announce the winners (I couldn't pick just one) of my little end of the year contest - Claudia and Brenda! I'll be emailing you both shortly for your snail mail addresses so that I can send your prizes!

Thank you to everyone who entered the contest - it was fitting to end one year and begin another by thinking about charity.

Christmas Meme

I was reading Carole's blog this morning and found this Christmas-themed meme. Carole's answers got me feeling festive (finally) and so I thought I'd share my responses to the questions and maybe it'll help you feel festive, too! If you decide to respond to this meme, leave me a comment and let me know so I can read your responses!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. There’s something about a hand wrapped gift that I find lacking in a gift bag. Much like knitting for others, when I am wrapping gifts for others, I am thinking about them, about their place in my life, and I’m wishing them good thoughts for the upcoming year. It’s dedicated time to really think about the gift’s recipient, and to be thankful that you have them in your life.
2. Real tree or Artificial? I do love me a real tree, but we’re just not sure how one will work out with the dogs. Allie pees on pretty much every tree we see when we are outside, so we’re unsure what she’ll do to a real tree in the house. I think this year we’ll do a small tree that we put on a table and see how she does with that.
3. When do you put up the tree? I like to do it the first weekend of December, so it’s on my to-do list for this weekend.
4. When do you take the tree down? Before New Year’s Day or the recycling day after Christmas, whichever comes first.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? When I was six I received The Littles Dollhouse and furniture from my Grandma (my maternal grandma). It was just the coolest thing ever. 
7. Hardest person to buy for? Mike. Because he wants the things he asks for and I like to give presents that are surprises. So, he’s hard to buy for in the sense that I have a hard time letting go of my desire for the element of surprise.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Mike. See #8 above. He tells me exactly what he wants.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. It was given to me by my paternal grandmother about 10 years ago and I put it out every year.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mailed Christmas cards, most definitely. I really, really love making and receiving Christmas cards. It’s probably one of my most favorite things about the holidays, especially since we live so far from many of our family and friends.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Hmm...I’m not sure about a single worst gift, but I definitely hated getting clothes when I was little. I wanted books or toys, but no silly clothes.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, without a doubt. I watch it once every year (and never more than that) while I make Christmas cards or wrap presents. It’s just the best. Reminds me of my Grandma, because it is a tradition that we started when she was still alive (she died in 1999).
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I buy things throughout the year as I see them, but starting this year, Mike and I are really scaling back on the Christmas shopping. We’re doing handmade gifts and shopping primarily for the kids. For ourselves we’ll probably go away for a weekend rather than exchange gifts.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mashed potatoes.
16. Lights on the tree? Absolutely!
17. Favorite Christmas song? I have three: “O Holy Night” and “White Christmas” sung by Bing Crosby, and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Traveling over the holidays really depresses me. I want to wake up in my own bed in my own house on Christmas, and waking up anywhere else feels very wrong to me. This year, Mike and I will celebrate Christmas in our house, just us and Allie and Zorro, and if we see no one else on Christmas Day, it will still be perfect because we spent the day together in our home.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Sure.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One present on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas morning, but like I mentioned in #13, we’ve decided not to get a lot of gifts for each other this year.
21. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The commercialism, without a doubt.
22. Favorite ornament theme or color? I don’t have any themes, but we do have traditions: every year, Mike and I get each other one ornament. Last year we each bought the other a dog-themed ornament. Fun.
23. What do you want for Christmas this year? I have everything I could want.
24. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have an angel.
25. Favorite Christmas dinner? From my childhood, my favorite Christmas dinner was the one my Grandma made: roast beef with mashed potatoes and carrots (you know – the kind of carrots that cook with the roast beef and up all tasty and delicious). As an adult, Christmas dinner isn’t really important to me. I like to make a tater tot casserole for breakfast (a tater tot casserole is just as good as it sounds, by the way) with muffins or something like that, but dinner isn’t really that important.

Working it Out - I'm a Rescue, Too

I believe that my parents did the best that they could by me.

I believe that they loved me as much as they were capable.

My mom's capacity to love is stunted, always has been, but I do believe that she loves me as much as she's able to, and that's all I can ask of her.

My dad's capacity to love everyone but himself is tremendous, and there is nothing in the world he wouldn't do for me except take care of himself.

But believing that they a) did the best they could and b) loved me as much as they were capable doesn't change the fact that many times, during many crucial moments in my life, what they were capable of was less than I needed.

Many of us can probably say the same thing about at least one person who has been in our lives...that although that person loved us, it wasn't enough, and we felt abandoned, left to the wind.

As adults, we're able to make choices about who is in our life and who is not. We can decide how much of an impact we will allow someone else to have on us.

But growing up, well. When you're growing up, so many of your choices are made for you, and if you're lucky, like I was, there are other people who step in, step up, and try to help, try to make up for the care you're not getting, try to make sure that your clothes are clean, and that there's food in the house, and that someone will make sure you have a birthday cake.

I had those people. I had a grandma who made me breakfast and took me to school each day and who tried to instill in me the importance of keeping a clean house. I had my g'pa, who thought I made the sun rise and set, and who took me on motorcycle rides, and to the bookstore, and who always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

In addition to the family I have had, I have been blessed with amazing friends. Friends like Kim, who took me to the doctor when I was sick, who made sure I went to school, and is probably the second biggest reason that I graduated on time after dropping out during my Junior year (the biggest reason was that I was just stubborn enough to want to graduate because no one else aside Kim thought I would).

But even though I've had family and friends who have always been there to care for me, and to love me, for years, decades, even, I attracted boys who were not right for me, were wrong for me, were terrible for me. Boys who reinforced every negative opinion I had of myself, boys who tried to make me solely dependent on them and then who hated me when I allowed myself to become dependent. I fell into relationships with boys who tried to break me, and I was fragile enough that sometimes I was close to shattering. Too close. Very close. Cracked, even.

I met and married a good man who didn't challenge me, didn't play games with me, didn't make me talk to him, didn't demand honesty, and so I lied. Not actively, not outwardly, but by pretending to be less cracked, less close to breaking than I really was. And then I left, and thought myself a fool.

But then there was Mike. And Mike was real, and he was my friend first, and he sensed something broken in me but he didn't shy away from it, or from me. He saw through the facade of normality, wholeness, that I had constructed, and he demanded I be truthful and real with him. Over the years, one by one, I've held out all the broken, jagged bits for him to see, and every time, he's helped me figure out where the piece goes, how it fits, how it tells the story of who I am, and he helps me put it back, and I feel a little stronger, and I can feel fewer and fewer of those cracked, tinkling pieces crashing around inside of me.

I'm a rescue, too, just like Allie and Zorro. I've had to learn how to trust myself and the people around me. I've had to break bad habits and learn good ones. I've had to make myself be present in every moment, and to appreciate the small ordinary miracles like coming home to the dogs at the end of the day, or waking up next to Mike on Saturday mornings. I've had to learn that although it is not my nature to be sad, it is not my nature to be happy. I have to choose happy.

And all of these decisions I make, all of these things I know about myself now, and about love now, are because I was rescued: by my grandma, my G'pa, Kim, my friends, my dogs, and my husband. I am more loved than I think I have a right to, sometimes, but I'll take it. I'll hold that love like the precious gift it is every day, and I'll choose happy.

Here's to all the rescues.

Sold!

Thank You

Well, your jokes must have included some good wishes because it has been an exciting week here at Casa Concateknit.

The long weekend started pretty crappily, as you know, but quickly took an upturn. Saturday morning, we went to look at some houses with our friends Sue and Randy (whose opinions we value very highly, especially when it comes to big-time grown up decisions) and we fell in love with one particular house. Saturday evening we went to a great dinner at Five in Fresno with friends to pre-celebrate Mike's 40th birthday and our friend A's 38th.

On Monday, we submitted an offer on the house we loved.

Yesterday we received their counter offer, with very minor counters.

This morning we meet with our loan officer and sign off on the counter offer, and then this afternoon we are heading off to San Francisco for a week's vacation with the doggers to celebrate Mike's 40th birthday, which is this Saturday. We have friends coming into SF to spend the weekend with us at the flat we've rented, and the temperatures, which are supposed to be in the mid- to upper-60s will be a lovely relief from the 100+ degree temperatures we've had in Fresno this week. I might even get to knit and spin a bit.

And right now? Well, right now I am sitting on my couch with Allie asleep on my lap and Zorro asleep cuddled next to me. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee before I start packing and getting ready for the day, and my house is clean, and I'm looking forward to the first real vacation I've had since Mike and I were married in 2006.  Good times, people. Good times.

Working it Out - Belonging

Mike has two adult children, and one very new grandson. When I met Mike, I understood that he didn't want more children, and not in a "I am saying I do not want children, but if we get married I might change my mind" sort of way. I have always respected that about him - the honesty, the clarity he has about this issue. Myself, I've never really been able to imagine having children, and since I've been with Mike, I have known one thing with absolute certainty: that I would rather be with Mike and not have kids, than have kids and be without him.

So for the most part, the not having kids thing doesn't bother me.

Some of you might rightly point out that I do have step-kids (and a step-grandson). Having had more than my fair share of step-parents growing up, I know that I cannot be my step-kid's mom. They have a mom who is incredibly important to them and involved in their lives, and I see myself more as a resource for them, a sounding board, and another adult who loves them (because really, children, even grown ones, can never have enough people in their lives who love them). But I am not their mom, and I am not their parent. I do not try to be.

With so many of my best friends either raising families or having children now, I've understandably spent some time thinking about what it means for me not to have my own children. I've found myself questioning if I can really have a "family" without having children. And while most of the time I've answered that question with a resounding "Of course I can have a family without having children!" the doubt remained. More than that, the doubt hurt.

Yesterday, as I stood in front of the mirror in the hotel bathroom getting ready to go out for brunch, I was talking to Mike, and I looked over at him, to see him laying on the bed, petting Allie and Zorro, who were sitting on the floor in front of him, all of them watching me.

And the light went on. Here was my answer. I stood there, looked at my amazing husband and beautiful dogs, and realized I was looking at my family, and to call them anything else would be untrue. I realized that I was the thing connecting them all to each other in that moment in time. That they all sat where they could see me and talk to me and that at any given moment in time, I could be the most important thing in the world to them.

And of course, they are the most important thing in the world to me. I love making them happy, I love making Mike laugh or smile, I love doing things for them out of kindness and love. What I do for them is not out of obligation, but out of a desire to return to them just a piece of the joy they give to me.

If that isn't family, then what is?

National Elisa Thinks about Valentine’s Day

When I was a teenager, every year I yearned for Valentine’s Day as much as I dreaded it. I desperately wanted one of those huge Hershey’s Kisses, or flowers, or *gasp*, a card in which some boy would have written some clumsy sentiment about how pretty I was, or how much he liked me, or even...that maybe he loved me.

Of course, I didn’t really care who the boy was, as long as there was a boy. And I didn’t care who loved me as long as someone did.

So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that many of my Valentine’s Days were disappointing and that I spent many of them feeling rather desperate and sad.

I’d like to say that I stopped feeling desperate when I got into my twenties, but that’s not strictly true. In my twenties I was so concerned about doing the Right Thing and Being an Adult, that I fast tracked myself into my first marriage, when really, I wasn’t ready. Much like my expectations for Valentine’s Day, my expectations for love and for marriage were skewed, and I was so intent on Being Married, and creating a kind of Martha Stewart life for myself, that once more, my focus was more on the idea of the thing than the person with whom I was with.

At 33, I’d like to think I have some perspective. I’ve certainly changed my expectations about Valentine’s Day, Love, and Marriage. I know now that I’m lucky to be married to a man who will work a 13 hour day, and still come home and do the dishes. I know that Mike is my kindred spirit, and that being with him is as fundamental to me, as elemental, as breathing is. I know that marriage and love aren't defined by the big moments, but by the small moments, the everyday moments, and that when Mike proposed to me at 5:30am on a Wednesday morning it was perfect because it was just so normal, and so extraordinary because of it. I know that I won’t feel that I’m not adequately loved if I don’t get hearts and flowers and overpriced do-dads to celebrate a holiday that has no intrinsic meaning for me. I know that it was special when Mike sent a box of my favorite chocolates to my office to celebrate our five year dating anniversary. I know marriage is hard work, and that we work to create the marriage that is right for us based upon the reality of who we are as individuals. Marriage is something we’ve committed to doing well, which means that there is no easy way out, and we talk to each other about how we’re *really* doing, even when sometimes we’d both prefer silence.

So, this year, like last year, and the year before, I’m going to treat Valentine’s Day like the day it is: another opportunity to be thoughtful, deliberate, kind, compassionate, sensitive, and loving to Mike – my husband, my partner, my best friend, my love.

Thankful, Still

Last year at Thanksgiving I was still fresh with the new blush from my marriage. This year, we're no longer newlyweds, we live 3,000 miles from where we met, the temperature is supposed to be in the 60s today, we've got one very sad post-op pupper in a cone, and we're not having turkey for dinner.

And no pie, either. My house + no family obligations except to my own = no pie = German chocolate cake!

So, yeah, I'm thankful.

I'm also thankful for the blog community, and all of the tremendous advice and help I've gotten from you for these past 3 years. I am especially thankful for all the help you've given me as we've gotten through Allie's hernia surgery. I don't know that I'd have been able to keep it all together without your help and support for our girl.

From my family to yours, may you and your family have a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving - with our without pie, as you choose.

Love,
Mr & Mrs. Concateknit and Allie and Zorro